So, here’s a little look at my life and how fucking rad it is:
1. Got awarded a Teaching Assistantship in the Master’s of Arts English program at University of Alaska Anchorage. That means, tuition covered, plus pay. For the next two years. Doing something I fucking LOVE. YES.
2. I got into the program because of two reasons:
I went to the Pacific Rim Conference and had an amazing time, did a presentation at a panel, and found that my ideas were very well received and caused much discussion. I was happier in that moment than I had been in years. I felt on fire, mentally, and every crazy passion for simply swimming in a sea of unpossessable, but profound knowledge and ideas just made me feel like my soul was tangible for second. It unlocked some potential in me I had repressed. I was re-lit that weekend. So I applied for the TA and MA programs to see what would come of it. I took a risk.
The presentation became a writing sample that then became my Bachelor’s thesis at UAS. This 47 page thesis is about videogames as “procedural allegory” which if read n particular ways, expresses truth and ethics relationally, not empirically. Yeah. I fucking love videogames enough to put them down long enough to write close to 50 pages on em!
3. Now that I’m in, I have the next two years booked. I finally have a plan! A schedule! I have never had that and I can’t wait to make my love of language and thought turn into a 2 year career for me. One that will transfer on to newer and greater things. I’m so jacked on this!
4. I’ll be away from my hometown for 2 years. That’s going to be both amazing and nerve racking. But I know I need to get out of here for a while. I love my hometown, but it’s been a decade. A little over, even.
5. This semester has changed my entire life. This 2011-2012 school year was one of the most bi-polar school years of all time. Last semester, me and my girlfriend of two years went through a shitty, stupid, confusing breakup that lent itself to rash actions, inconsiderate behavior, and terrible work environments. It got better as the bile was let loose, but much like throwing up, we still have a bit of a bad taste for each other still. I was really hard on myself and preoccupied all that semester. Then, next semester began and I started to focus solely on what I could do to move past it, be happy, and be at peace. I saw a counselor, which greatly helped, and helped me to come the realizations I need to have to break down the grinding, stiff gears in my head that were holding me back. Habits I could watch. I felt happier. and I began to slowly let her go and go. Aside from a few moments of bad judgement and awkward hang out sessions, things were slowly scarring over. By the time I had become swamped in in my work, I had regarded ‘us’ as just another moment where two people with uncomplimentary issues collide and break each other’s sore spots and just couldn’t recover without running. And who she was is no longer attractive to me. And neither is she now. I haven’t trivialized her, I’ve just let her be what she is. And better still, I’m letting myself be who I am. Not what her or anyone else ever wanted me to be. That feels amazing. Now, I’m set up to go make money and go to school and hangout with some people that really speak my language. So stoked to nerd out all the time!
5. I got diagnosed with ADD a few days back. And I got my medication figured out today. I’m really glad I got it sorted out. I feel so on top it all :)
6. I’m so happy to move out of UAS housing. It’s a like M. Night’s “The Village.” Can’t really explain why. hahaha.
I’m so happy right now. YEAH.